A Cheap TV Stand Is Right

Antwanette graduated from Blair High School in Pasadena in 2005. From there she went on to Le Cordon Bleu, which Wikipedia describes as "the world's largest hospitality education institution, with 29 schools in five continents serving 20,000 students annually." After completing her training at Le Cordon Bleu Pasadena, Antwanette found a job as a line cook at a fancy restaurant in Universal Studios Hollywood. Today she resides in north Pasadena with her mother and grandmother. She enjoys singing along to the latest popular hip-hop tracks (brought to you by 102.7 KIIS FM), and taking short walks to the liquor store across the street. Unfortunately, neither Antwanette, mama, nor granny has a man in their lives, which is exactly why I got yesterday's job.

After posting another of countless Craigslist ads offering my services I received an email from our favorite young chef:

"hello my name is Antwanette I saw your post on craigslist and I was wondering how much would you charge I have a tv stand that needs to be put together..its not big at all..it was 20 bucks..just a small stand with wheels..I kind of need it together by tomorrow just got a new tv"

Further correspondence would reveal her location as just five miles away from my parent's house, a short twelve minute drive. After careful consideration I decided that it would be unethical to charge her more for assemblage than the stand originally cost. I quoted her $20, and she happily accepted. If I could just assemble the damn thing in a timely manner, I'd have made a good deal.

I got to Antwanette's house the next day at 6:00-- always on time. While approaching her residence I noticed a wheelchair ramp up to her porch.

"Another crippled," I thought to myself. As usual, I was wrong.

I knocked on the door and a big black gal (BBG) swung it open within seconds.

"Antwanette?"

"Yeah," she replied as she led me into the living room.

Awaiting me in the living room was another BBG, probably about twenty years older than Antwanette. This was the chef's mama. She was in a wheelchair, which explained the ramp. I introduced myself to mama and followed her daughter to a nearby bedroom.

Antwanette's description of the TV stand was accurate. It was in a small box and definitely worth no more than $20. I set down my tools and began unpacking the contents of the box. Soon I had everything laid out: five pieces of cheap plywood, painted black and cut in various sizes, and a handful of screws and nails.

I found the instructions and followed them step by step: align sides along bottom plank, insert screws, tighten screws, insert shelf, insert more screws, tighten screws, yada yada yada. The whole thing took about thirty-five minutes. In those thirty-five minutes everything I learned about Antwanette is perfectly represented in this post's opening paragraph.

At one point the chef stopped singing in the middle of an Usher song to offer me a drink. She was going to the liquor store across the street and the drinks were on her. I asked for a cup of tap water, but she returned ten minutes later with a bottle of Arrowhead. More wasted plastic, next time I'll bring my canteen.

Anyways, I was heading out by 6:45. As I got up Antwanette handed me a crumbled up $20 bill and informed me that they'd be calling me again for similar work. Apparently mama had wanted to buy some new IKEA furniture for some time, but they never had anyone to assemble it. Now they have me.

$20 for less than an hour of labor works for me. Gimme a call, mama.